When I was younger, I had this vision of myself setting out to disappear into the great unknown. I'd settle in some small mountain town and live for awhile and move on before getting too close. Sometimes, love would find me. Maybe it's all those Harlequin Romance books I read but taking off on my own and telling no one where I was held much fascination. I read the book referenced by the CD (love the CD, too) and while his journey came to a tragic end, I never really saw an end. Or maybe I did and that's why I chose the person I married. Yes, we've moved all over this country but somehow, it hasn't been the same. I keep talking about moving to North Dakota and am met with jeers of, nobody lives in North Dakota and to which I reply, exactly.
Part of me knows this desire to move to the wilds is the part that wants to runaway from the past. To runaway from the future. To runaway from life as it has become. Why face the problems of today, tomorrow or the past if you can just up and leave when they catch up with you? Not to discount a journey that takes you to far away places, especially those journeys that bring you face to face with you. The you that you've been hiding from. The you that seeks to find happiness and inner peace. Journeys have their purpose and I know that someday, I will explore the wilds of this country and who knows, maybe I'll find the ghost of myself. But when I do this, I will not do so in a selfish manner. As I've matured and faced many of the parts of me that wanted to runaway, I've matured and dare I say it, become more responsible.
Plus, I'll have to make my journey in an RV with my very own bathroom or at the very least, my car and hotel rooms. You know, that whole safe toilet thing. ;)
*Now Playing: Society by Eddie Vedder - Music for the Motion Picture Into the Wild