Saturday, January 12, 2008



*Now Playing: Farewell to the Old Me by Dar Williams, John Medeski & Stefan Lessard - The Beauty of the Rain

My winter days are filled with music, coffee and introspection. If I were to take a photo a day, I could take a photo much like this one as almost each day, I have an espresso beverage made at home, with beans that I've ground myself.

Last night, I watched 20/20's show on Happiness and the one thing that had truth and hit home was finding what makes you happy and doing it. It doesn't have to make you money, just bring about happiness. It's often called flow. One of the things missing in my life lately has been flow. Flow that I found with a camera and spending hours outdoors, just looking at this wondrous planet we all share. In private conversations I have often referred to photography as my therapy and the resulting images words. These images are not necessarily what I set out to take, they just happen. There is one thing I noticed, though, that my time spent with a camera made the husband angry or maybe that would be jealous. Those emotions would rub off on me and my time with the camera began to feel heavy. Especially when we're all together. One would think a happy me made for a happier home which should have made for a happier him. Not resentment. Resentment for the time I found in recent years, forgetting all those years when not a free moment existed in my day, even to the bathroom was not free. All you moms out there know what I'm talking about.

*Now Playing: The World's Not Falling Apart by Dar Williams, Michael Kang & Stefan Lessard - The Beauty of the Rain

But guess what, and this song just started playing...... The world is not falling apart because of me. It's not falling apart because I may not have cleaned a bathroom today or yesterday or even all week. Those things do get done, my house is rarely dirty (mostly cluttered though--I like my stuff). I will enjoy my days more. Even if a happier me doesn't rub off onto my husband, at least I will be happier.

*Now Playing: The One Who Knows by Dar Williams & Alison Krauss - The Beauty of the Rain

Third song started playing since I began this entry. This song is all about motherhood. Words that strike a chord within me lately.

Before the mountains call to you,
before you leave this home,
Wanna teach your heart to trust
As I will teach my own.
But sometimes I will ask the moon
Where it shined upon you last
And shake my head and laugh and say
It all went by so fast.

You'll fly away, but take my hand until that day.
So when they ask how far love goes
When my job's done you'll be the one who knows.

Motherhood, the greatest journey with so much responsibility. Even though one cannot blame a mother forever as eventually you have to take responsibility for your own actions, the journey can be made more difficult.

And now that I've wandered all over the place with this entry, I must end it. It's almost lunchtime and I'm not showered. The husband went into work but should be home soon. Have a great weekend and have a little time to enjoy your favorite beverage. :)

BTW, the Zen of Zin still sits, unopened. I just loved the name of that wine and have yet to permit its opening.


Shirley said...

It's a beautiful, beautiful post!

Eileen said...

I love Dar Williams and The Beauty of the Rain. I had her playing on Pandora radio today, while I was doing some journaling. She always gets me writing, her words, the music, I don't know. It works for me.

I loved your post today (and the picture on top, I wish I was holding that cup in my hands right now). Being happy...what a concept, doing what you love. It is so obvious, from your past photos, when you are out, alone with the world and your are so happy. I keep thinking about the magic of the shot when that huge deer appeared. That was one of many. Don't let anyone take that magic away, let it be his guilt, his issue. Keep doing what makes you matter what.

Sometimes, I get so overwhelmed with everyday stuff, I don't know anymore what my flow is. That is something I need to get back in touch with. I can only do that with a quiet, peaceful mind. I know I will get there.

Have a wonderful Sunday!

Trish said...

You'll get your flow'll see.

Beth said...

wow...what beautiful words flow from you. Lots of feelings.

I sometimes feel my husband gets a little jealous of my camera too....why is that? I finally found something that I totally "get" and LOVE and he gets tired of it? hmmmmmm...

keep up with your camera....your point of view is beautiful.

Cindi said...

there is so much here - so many wonderful little insights and things to roll around in one's mind. this is not only a year of transition and big changes for m, but you, too, mom. take time for yourself. find that happiness again - or maybe for the first time. it might lie in something you haven't even found yet...

Bina said...

Yes, your husband should have been happy that you found something that made YOU happy. I wish I had the ability to take beautiful pictures as you do. I love the beauty of earth and of life. Many time I look at the sky, the moon, the sunset, trees, mountains, and say how beautiful! And usually people look at me like I'm totally strange. But you know what? THEY are the ones who are missing out.