Thursday, January 10, 2008

Another Day

Another dollar as my dad would say. Regarding my last posting, it's not my parenting skills, per se, that have me concerned. My daughter and I get along beautifully. Sure, we have our moments and right now, we're deep into end of semester stress with last minute projects being assigned followed by finals next week. Space and not taking the outbursts personally are on tap and a hot chocolate break. We're mother daughter but we are also friends and enjoy each other's company.

No, my issues have more to do with marriage and how I am more like my mother in those regards. Marriage is something I'm not one to chat about casually as marriages are complex and deeply personal. That's all I'll say here, that and I'm weighing my options, doing some deep thinking. Why does so much of what we witness and experienced in childhood continue into adulthood? Why does that voice hold so much power? The voice that reminds you of your failures. You're a loser... voice. Or the why can't you be more like fill in the blank. I am doing my best to change my Mantra. To be kinder to myself.

Speaking of Mom, her doctor called Tuesday night and told her to come in this week (like next day) for a heart ct (cat) scan after reviewing her stress test. A stress test she thought was okay. Results won't be back until next week but my biggest concern lies with her dizziness.

The Wonderdog's foot is almost completely healed. I'm hoping that when I look at it tomorrow, my concern vanishes completely. Still keeping it as dry as possible when I send her outside (plastic baggies on the foot) and a sock during the day which I've taken to leaving off a bit in hopes that she'll not lick it back to an infection. Speaking of the Wonderdog, she has had the worse case of gas. Noisy, odorous gas. And she's sleeping with me tonight.

No photo for today as I'm on my notebook computer and don't have access to my files. Just lots of words. Have a Happy Friday and Beautiful Weekend.


Anonymous said...

Oh Bonnie....(hug)

Emotional family issues are so hard and sometimes they just never feel right. I have no daughters but I have a mother whose impact on me never seems to settle or go's just sort of in a holding pattern.

I hope that you can find some peace with it all.

Anonymous said...

I think I understand what you are saying. Those tapes we use to hear, come back at the most unexpected times. They tend to play themself out most when there is stress. At least for me. I try to remember that I am in such a different place than I was then. So are you.

Hope your mom's testing comes back ok, and they can find a way to deal with the dizziness. That is an awful feeling!

Glad Wonder Dog is healing!


Anonymous said...

why is it the voices from the past we don't want to hear always seem to speak the loudest! For me, it was my father.

Cindi said...

ah, yes, the be kinder to yourself mantra. :) if you really let it in, not so hard. i have carried comments from my youth around with me like bricks for years. i decided it was time to unload my backpack.
maybe you, too?