It's funny how the past has a way of calling, reaching far into the future and affecting the person we are today. I truly did think that I'd forgiven, breathed out and moved on and for the most part, I have. I don't have any expectations anymore. Life has moved on but so often, I see in my own relationships, a withdrawal on my part, even to the point of words that are unkind. This withdrawal is deep seeded going back to those younger years. Those years of hurting to try and keep yourself from being hurt. Those years of not really feeling worthy of love. Even knowing that the words and withdrawal can become a vicious cycle. A cycle that helps to keep me feeling less than worthy.
The past, not to be forgotten as it shaped the person I am today. The good, the bad and the ugly. Would I change it? No, I don't think I would. It's made me who I am today. To a large extent, I know that I've made better choices for my own daughter.
One thing that has changed, electronic communication. I'm typing this from my bed, still all snugly with sleepy eyes using my notebook computer. A notebook computer with very short battery life remaining but still a new means of communicating. But a means that sometimes must be unplugged so as to connect with myself.....
And with that, breathe in—breathe out—move on.
Have a beautiful day, friends.
4 comments:
Breathe. Just breathe...Once again I find us if not on the same page, at least in the same chapter. On my walk this morning I was thinking about the past - some things I wish hadn't happened; some choices I wish I hadn't made, but I can't change any of that. What I do have some choice about is the direction of my future. Which requires some down time to think.
And I know what you mean about making better (hopefully) choices for my kids. I hope I have; but they're adults now and seem to be good human beings.
Your thoughts today have touched me...
thanks cindi. Hard to comprehend how the much impact the past can have over us. I know you've done a great job with your, I was going to say boys, but they are young men.
I heard a very inspirational sermon by Joel Osteen yesterday on a topic that tied into this post and to which I really connected. Deeply embedded things from the past can be extremely, extremely difficult to get past--I know as well. - Shirley
Shirley, maybe it's just a perception thing. Change how we feel about the past and its hold might lesson?
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